So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I met the friendliest cop last night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
