she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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