i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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