Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
