Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm too high and old for this...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
