Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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