So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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