I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
