pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
