I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
