the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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