I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
