We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
