Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You made out with two different species that night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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