I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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