Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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