the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
