I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
