halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
