I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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