As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
