she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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