I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
