i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
