I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
