i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
