just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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