bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My life is pants optional.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
