Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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