I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you repeat that, but with context?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
