I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
