I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
