i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
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Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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