I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
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way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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