Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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