I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
