We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
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Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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