I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
