It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
