he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
