hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
not ubering you a puppy
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