Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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