you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
