I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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