I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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