If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
