His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
