She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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