She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
