I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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