i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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