did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
