I got chris browned last night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
