Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
