I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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