ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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