I am spending my child support on dildos
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
