i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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