well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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