you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
