I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
