mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
