Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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