i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
