Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
