know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
