so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
