thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
