You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize